I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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