Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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