we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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