So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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