i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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