someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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