I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
