it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
