I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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