I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My dick has a subreddit
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
