So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
