Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
