Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
