this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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