i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
