sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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