ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
