Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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