one might say we're banned from that church
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
