He passed out mid-signature
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
