So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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