you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
