i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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