WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
