And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A+ Viking dick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
