I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
