a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
