I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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