Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
