i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
