I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
