no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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