dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
