Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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