its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
