I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
