he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
