If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
