I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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