I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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