i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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