I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
