he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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