If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
