areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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