Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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