He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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