her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
