shes about as inviting as chlamydia
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
