is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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