you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
