I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
