Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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