Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
