I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's just like the Real World with babies
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
