Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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