Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
