it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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