The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
