happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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