gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
"it" just moved
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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