I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize