If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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