It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
