Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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