Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
