I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
