i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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