Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
