my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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