Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
