When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
