all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
