Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
