We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
