was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
