I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
